ships are the greatest reserve of the imagination

So I have made it to Italia. I am now in an internet point in Napoli. Soon Iàll be meeting up with Rachel and Jamie and then we are off to Pisciotta. I spent yesterday walking around Milano, mostly chilling in the public parks, which are great. Ive said it before, but one of the best things about Europe in general is the abundance of great public spaces. Gardens, squares, parks, etc, and they are well utilized for arts and music regularly.

So Ive been listening to "the devil and god are raging within me," (or somesuch title) the latest Brand New record, alot on this trip, and it seems to be one of those albums that is perfectly describing how I feel at this point, much the same way "Through Being Cool" did in highschool. "I just wish I could inspire.." MOstly about love, regret, sleep...things I know about mostly.

Ive also been reading two books which have been really thought provoking. Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramhanse Yogananda, and Eros the bittersweet by Anne Carson. Both have been realy relevant as well, and combined with the Heterotopia article i read recenlty by Foucault, have shaped much of what Ive been thinking about lately. Of course three girls have dominated much of my thoughts lately as well, and it should be obvious to most who know me who those three are. Carson has helped me put alot into context though, which is what I was hoping for. In others we come to realize what we ourselves lack. And if you already feel like you have lost something, meeting someone else can be one of those things that makes you that much more aware of the void. Carson quotes two things I would like to reproduce here, although really I would like to reproduce the whole book, but obviosuly I cannot, so just go read it.

"Such a longing for love, rolling itself up under
my heart,
poured down much mist over my eyes,
filching out if my chest the soft lungs-"
-Archilochus

"My astonishing victory over Menti did not give me a pleasure one-tenth part as intense as the pain she gave me when she left me for M. de Rospiec." -Stendhal, THe Life of Henri Brulard

I spent much of yesterday sunbathing by a river, listening to the darkskinnedman nearby playing guitar, while I read my books, and reflected. I also wrote alot, responding to a claim Carson makes about the unique inovations of the Greek language and also responding to Foucaultàs heterotopia article. I canàt wait to begin writing papers for school again. Lame. But I enjoy it. Ok, Im soo excited to get to Pisciotta.

This will be my last internet point until I get down to Calabria or back to Rome, in a few weeks at least, so until then, stai attento.

we hate your hate

So, last night I took an overnight from Krakow to Prague (or Praha, as the locals call it.) It was a sleeper, and was pretty comfy. much better than the stupid old train I took from that backwater in Hungary... Well, Krakow turned out to be pretty interesting. I'm looking forward to Prague, but of course still can't wait to get to Italy. I'll be meeting up with Rachel and Jamie on Saturday. After 10 or so days in Pisciotta, I think I will head further south to Calabria and Sicilia, to see some relatives and the town where my Grandmother grew up. Not sure exactly what's on the agenda after that. Antonio, it turns out, will not be in Reggio, so I am going to see if Gianluca will come with me to Calabria to help translate.

I also think I hit that point last night where I became comfortable traveling alone again. I know I can make it how ever long I want now that I've gotten to that point. I do know, however, that I don't want to rush through anywhere.

I also realize that many things have gone wrong on this trip (delayed flights, screwed up money situations, missing the last bus to Krakow from AUschwitz, etc) and it's for basically two reasons; poor planning and I'm not in western Europe. Last year everythign went smoothly, and I had planned thoroughly. Also, the countries I visited last year have very well developed tourist infrastructures compared with the places I've been too so far, and that combination has left me a bit humbled. Which is good. I've been doing alot of writing, particularly in Poland.

One thing I realized; McDonald's in post-communists countries I've been to (China, Hungary, Poland, Czech) have helped me understand capitalism in a different way. These people all go to McDonalds liek its a big deal. For a long time these western chains and brands were not allowed, so it is seen as a sort of protest against the past, almost. Plus it costs alot, relative to local food, and isn't really as fast since the lines are so bloody long. I still think it's silly, but I see it is important that these people should have the choice to be self-destructive if they want. Is it the governments job to train people to make good decisions? I don't think it is, and it gives the elite something to look down on, so it all works out, doesn't it?

OK, I'm off to explore Praha now, since I cannot check into the hostel until 3pm. Until later...

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before

these titles don't really match what I'm writing about, but make sense if one were to read my journal. anyway

Krakow is very nice, a beautiful old city with lots of churches castles and history. I arrived around 6am, check into my hostel, ate breakfast, showered and chatted with the girl runing th eplace. this hostel is fantastic, a wonderful house outside old city. my room is empty exceot for me. it began to rain once i was ready to leave, so i took a nap, feeling a bit tired after the train ride from Budapest. Crossing the Slovak border and then the Polish border kept me from sleeping very well, and thinking about visiting Auscwitz today unnerved me a bit. I eventually made it to Auschwitz/Birkenua, in the Polish town of Oscwiecim/Brznika today, arriving late around 520. I missed the last bus back into Krakow, 50 miles away, and had to pay almost $80 to take a cab. I walked into the city for dinner, and was invited to a hip dance club, but wasn't feeling up to it. Tomorrow will be lots of sightseeing and then a late train to Prague.

I forgot how much I hate blitzing cities. Next time I will travel with a friend for sure.

beware of female spies

I miss caitlin.

And so far BUdapest has been mediocre. The baths in Ischia are wayyyyy better. I leave in a few hours for Krakow, and then Prague. Hopefully that's more fun. I can't wait to get to Italy. Tha's all for now.

First Stop

It's so strange, once I get out on my own my mind instantly flashes back to London, Brussels, Paris, Venice..the last places I traveled alone. And I remember how much I like the feeling of being free to move around, not bound by jobs and lack of cars like at home.

My flight leaving JFK was delayed because too much air traffic, so by the time we landed in Heathrow, I'd missed my flight to Budapest. I had to sit around for about 6 hours, until 2pm GMT, and finally caught a flight to Hungrary, which was also delayed taking off. I arrived at my hostel around 9pm local time, and just settled in and went for a walk and grabbed some food. Spent some time speaking with some people here, but mostly kept to myself. Tomorrow I will explore the city and visit the famous Baths. I cannot wait to get to Italy though! I also cannot stop thinking about people at home, but my trip just started so I think once I get busy I'll get over it. I'm a bit tired from all the flying and sitting around, but at least I got an authentic English brekkie and Hungarian dinner. More soon!

On the Road Again

So the time has finally come. I'm leaving for my trip today, and will
be back on august 8th. I am planning on relocating to San Francisco in
the fall, so I will probably be leaving NY around August 27th at the
latest, so let's try and make plans in that interval.

After the last few months here, I'm feeling pretty ready to leave. For a while I was really happy here, and then as things started to change again I realized that they always will and one cannot necessarily rely on other people to ground oneself. I had alot of fun, and part of me wishes I could stay here, but it's time to move on. This trip will be an amazing adventure, I'm sure, and when I get back here, I'm sure moving out west will be an even bigger adventure.

For those who don't know, I will be flying into Budapest, and then visiting Krakow and Prague before flying to Italy to meet up with somefriends in Pisciotta. (Rachel and Jamie, and all the kids on the program, and the locals, Gianluca, etc.) I may use this time to explore Calabria as well, but I'm not sure yet. On the morning of the 11th, I fly to Berlin, and thenwork my south to
Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia, maybe Macedonia, and eventually Turkey and Greece before taking the ferry back to Italy to meet up with Antonio and see some family in Calabria and then fly home. Because I shortened my trip, since Caitlin can no longer come, I will probably be spending less time in each place then I had wanted, and I may not get everywhere I intended. We'll see what happens. I'll be mostly on the road alone. I learned alot traveling solo last summer, so I expect this trip will be even more of a learning experience.

This trip will be different in several important ways from past trips. My first two trips were study abroad programs, the second one to china being with three good friends. Last summer, although I was by myself, I was expecting it and was going to meet up with friends. And all these trips I left knowing I'd be coming back to work at starbucks. This trip I no longer have a girlfriend, and have no job to come back to. Nor do I have school, or even a place to live really. I am free, yet feel so overwhelmed by the idea. I also do not really know how this trip is going to work. I'm a bit nervous.

I'll be updating from each new
location hopefully.

I'll see you all soon, take care! Love,

I'm sorry I'm leaving

Wow. Where has my life gone? Since Lexy and I broke up, I've made lots of new friends, been going out frequently, and generally enjoying my life. I'm happy in New York, imagine that. Work is almost over, and I leave for a two month trip around Europe in 2 weeks. As excited as I am about going away, I will miss it here. I have good things going on. I can't get stuck here. Would it be so bad? No, not really, but I want to experience other places. I realize how much of my discontent was created by myself now though, but I'd still like nicer weather. I got accepted to a job in China. I am waiting to here about some others, but I still cannot decide. I can't get that excited about leaving here when I'm so content. I can't really see myself in China. I don't know. It feel like things are too perfect right now, and whatever I do, it's all going to fall apart soon anyway. I'm going to miss alot of people. I already do.
*********

This is from two weeks ago:
I just saw On the Might of Princes play their last date of their reunion show. I'm pretty sure they'll play more shows again one day, but maybe not. It was fantastic. I can still feel my heart beating. Even though I always feel somewhat on the outside seeing them play, it is an amazing thing to behold. The LI community is so tight and despite all the bullshit, there is still something to be said for community.

I feel old for feeling so nostalgic. But I'm glad I can feel nostalgic for the past. Senior year of high school and freshman year of college were an amazing time, again despite all the bullshit. Going to shows, hanging out with groups of friends. Yea the music was arbitrary and mostly meaningless, but that didn't matter. Going to shows was like going to church. Most of the time, neither are genuine religious/spiritual experiences, but their is still some kinda geist there, something that draws us together and makes us a community. I guess they are, or can be, Dionysian. A group of friends, screaming/singing these words together, abandoning, or at least suspending the usual social norms. yea, it's temporary, but ultimately everything is. While you're in that moment, it doesn't matter. That's what I missed.

After I started dating Lexy, things started to shift focus. My meaning became centered on us, and not on a community of friends. They are very different things. Being part of a community is a sort of humbling thing, in that we are only one of many. In a relationship we get focused on exalting the other person above others, and likewise being exalted by them. That's why trust is so important, and why cheating is such a terrible thing, because it insult the foundation, the very reason for existing, of a relationship. Point is, I got too wrapped up in my relationship with Lexy, I think, and drifted away from communities. I want a community again, but I don't think it can or should be what it was.

I really love shows sometimes though. I complete abandon of being in the crowd, pushing, dancing, screaming, singing along. For a long time, it's been one of my only true releases, if only occasionally. Time to find a new one. If I can just force myself to dance more...

Speaking of which, I went to a dance club in NYC last night, a debaucherous little club called Luke and Lerory's, on sat night, the rated-x panty party. It was pretty crazy. hopefully I can learn to dance without needing to be intoxicated. This relates back to what I was saying about Lex and community, by the way. Since Lex and I were together almost four years (I met her right before my 19th birthday) I haven't really been single as an 'adult,' if I am even such a thing now. I realized last night that I need to learn how to talk to girls and socialize properly, as I've been somewhat out of practice, and there are clearly unspoken rules and rituals for picking up girls in bars that have escaped my attention. I think I was a little too drunk last night ( i tried to play catch up and ended up getting too far ahead, plus those girls were'nt even drinking anyway) but still, I think I did alright considering.