and it begins to come into focus...

When I arrived back in New York, Gianluca was already here, and Lexy transfered him to me. We had a lot of fun, seeing the city, hanging out, catching up with old friends. While Sam was here on break from Chicago, we hit the city a few times, and I got to catch up with Hanna Jamie and Lex before they left for their respective trips. Gianluca finally left last tuesday, and I've been now forced to begin to figure out what my life here during the next four months is going to look like. I am working at Purchase, so far only two days per week, but hopefully that will change here. In the meanwhile, I will be catering and temping here and there. I am working on my graduate writing samples by taking a graduate art history course. In addition to applying for a job on a farm in Italy this summer, I will be applying for jobs in NY and maybe Germany too, so hopefully something will materialize. I've applied for a Fulbright grant to do research in Sweden next year, which I really hope I recieve, as it will set me on track for the future and help me get into good grad programs. I've also applied to teach in Japan, and have an interview coming up in a few weeks. To stay busy, I will be using the Purchase gym, playing music with Ghazi and maybe Nick, and attending meditation groups in New Rochelle, and maybe White Plains. I've been making more art again, primarily working on collage and drawings. I think I'm going to get into silk screen again too. I am starting to write again. Maybe I'll get some work done on my screenplay, but if not, at least my TSB articles and reviews are coming along. I am finally going to be taking a German reading comprehension course. I am looking forward to these next few months. Sure I need to pay off my debt, and direction would be nice, but I'm not ready for an easy better paying job that will ultimately go nowhere. It may not seem like it at the moment, but I am too ambitious, and need to plan ahead. For now, I am content knowing that when all is settled, and I am an older man who has adopted responsibilities, that I will look back at this time in my life, and be at awe at the amount I have seen and done. I can't imagine feeling that I've wasted these years, or that I will ever say "man I should have been working then." Fuck that.

Writing like this takes the place of therapy I think. Writing, screaming (as in music, ritual concerts), and drinking with friends.